


Feelings Are Fatal

by Zouboss



Category: citrus - サブロウタ | citrus - Saburouta, やがて君になる | Yagate Kimi ni Naru | Bloom Into You (Manga)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drama & Romance, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:20:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26670547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zouboss/pseuds/Zouboss
Summary: Harumi's always known the feeling of being constantly choked ever since she met Yuzu. Sayaka's always known the feeling of going blind ever since she laid eyes on Touko. Who knew unrequited feelings could be so fatal?
Relationships: Aihara Mei/Aihara Yuzu, Koito Yuu/Nanami Touko
Kudos: 23





	Feelings Are Fatal

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time using A03 so please forgive me.

Harumi's always known the feeling of being constantly choked ever since she met Yuzu. Sayaka's always known the feeling of going blind ever since she laid eyes on Touko. Who knew unrequited feelings could be so fatal?

…

She's known for a while that Touko and Yuu were together. Sayaka's a lot more observant than most so subtle things can mean a lot to her. Ever since Yuu Koito had joined the student council, there had been a gravitational pull between the first year and the vice president. Sayaka doesn't know exactly what happened that started their relationship in the first place but she knows that it exists.

The whole student council is sitting at a table in their large residential room. Everyone's occupied with some sort of task, staying productive and looking forward to the weekend. Sayaka took a couple of glances towards Touko's direction, who was sitting right across from Yuu. Touko's lingering gaze on the pink-haired is a little sickening and Sayaka can feel the same nauseating grip on her stomach that makes her vision go blurry. While Yuu tries to play oblivious, it's obvious she's having a hard time keeping her own eyes off Touko. It's really hard to watch.

Sayaka doesn't seem to be the only one who has noticed their easily distracted members as the student council president's sharp stare happened to grace both of the girls.

"Touko," Mei Aihara, the president of the student council, addressed the girl with an even tone.

Touko jolted at the sound of her name and nodded, "Yes, Mei?"

"Instead of looking at Kotio-san, can you take these documents to the teacher's office?

Around them, the student council members snickered other than Sayaka. The flushed expressions on both of Touko's and Yuu's faces made Sayaka's heart-wrench. She felt the familiar yearning she had always had for Touko. Sayaka felt her eyes ache.

Clink!

The noise startled Sayaka and she looked around, momentarily confused. Everyone else did the same thing until their attention rested on the girl. Confused, Sayaka blinked back at them before she looked down.

Laying on the table in front of her was a crystal. A small shard. Colorless. The sunlight reflected off it, giving it a twinkling appearance.

Sayaka picked it up with two slender fingers and examined it briefly before realizing that everyone else was staring at her.

"Sorry for the distraction, I accidentally dropped it," She lied which the student councils took easily, resuming their work without difficulty. She tucked the piece into her pocket, a little puzzled but for the most part unbothered.

Across the room, she could hear Mei Aihara sigh wearily as Touko left the room.

…

"Hey-o, Yuzucchi, why so glum?" Harumi wrapped an arm around her best friend's shoulders and pulled her in for a quick squeeze before letting go. "Lemme guess, the prez is stressing you out again?"

Yuzu pouted, her eyebrows furrowed. "Mei said she'd meet me here after school so we could walk home together, it's been fifteen minutes already."

It might have been wrong that Harumi felt relief at Yuu's words but it wasn't like anyone would know that. She blew air through her teeth. "You think she's going to stay late again? I'll walk you home if you like."

"No, it's fine, but thank you," Yuzu said, offering a smile. Harumi felt her chest warm at the sight. "I'll just wait here for a little longer and if she doesn't come, I'll go looking for her."

"Is it okay if I keep you company for now?"

Yuzu nodded and the two friends started their normal idle chatter as they waited for Mei.

Harumi can't exactly pinpoint the time when she started developing feelings for her friends but when she realized she had them, it was an ugly sensation that crawled all over her skin. Yuzu and Mei were a couple. A secret kept well and only a lucky few actually knew of their relationship. Harumi, of course, understood. But even her understanding wasn't enough to suppress the feeling. As much as she wrestled with her agonizing crush, to keep it down, to keep it hidden, it was a struggle to go on every day. To pretend what she felt wasn't real.

Harumi's throat tightened at the thought. Not the first time it has happened. When Mei finally came into sight, approaching them with her graceful, elegant, and untouchable appearance, the back of Harumi's throat burned.

"Aihara-san, Taniguchi-san," Mei greeted the two, her expression rather stoic. But despite Mei's stature, Harumi could see the almost exciting look simmering on the surface of Mei's eyes.

"Mei!" Yuzu exclaimed, bouncing on her toes, not bothering with the formalities. While Mei addressed the girl more professionally for both her reputation and privacy reasons, Yuzu was far more open and forgetful. "How are you? What took you so long? Are you ready to go home?"

Harumi forced a chuckle and slowly detached from the two, easily slipping away from them without them noticing. It hurt. How easily they became absorbed in each other's worlds, suddenly so aware of those around them. Harumi wanted that. Specifically with Yuzu.

The back of her throat started to tickle and the girl tried to clear it to relieve the itch. It didn't work, only worsening. She raised an arm to cover her mouth as she started to cough. Her nose twitched when a sweet scent filled her nose and Harumi removed her arm to see a flower flutter from her lips and onto the floor.

"Huh," Harumi breathed, a little puzzled. The wind has probably caused a flower to latch onto her clothes. She shrugged and walked away, plugging in her earphones. Another day walking alone to home.

…

While she felt tired from the endless studying and student council duties, Sayaka's managed to always make enough time to head towards her favorite coffee shop on at least a weekly basis. While the drinks were flavorful, it wasn't exactly why she went there. It was more for the company.

"Saeki-san, pleasure seeing you here again," Miyako greeted with a kind smile as the student sat at the counter. "I assume you want the usual?"

Sayaka nodded with a quick thank you as she settled down.

"So, what is it this time?" The café manager asked with a smirk as she set down Sayaka's drink. They had fallen into a familiar pattern of when Sayaka confided into the woman about almost anything. It was relieving, to be honest with at least one person in her life. Sayaka had always kept most of her emotions tightly wrapped up but to vent to Miyako was one of the most liberating feelings ever.

Sayaka sighed while taking a sip from her cup. "She's becoming a little too obvious now. The student council president even called her out on her...erm, staring."

"Isn't she supposed to be keeping the relationship a secret?" Miyako half-heartedly joked. Sayaka knew that the manager preferred a more open lifestyle. She believed that people shouldn't keep secrets about who they loved and only conformed to society for her girlfriend's sake. "And she was called out? In front of everyone?"

"Well, no one took it that way. They all laughed it off."

"How are you taking it?"

"She's always known to be concentrated and just, perfect, you know? Even though it's just a facade she keeps up for everyone, it's still weird to see her slip up like that. It's….I think she is-" Sayaka paused, not even sure if she could finish her sentence. The thought sent slight panic in her and a pang of envy.

"In love," Miyako went ahead and ended the sentence for her.

Sayaka swallowed the lump in her throat. Her eyes started to burn. "I believe so." Sayaka fingers wrapped themselves around the handle of the coffee cup. "It hurts. I used to be fine, just being by her side, just being her friend but ever since that kohai joined our council, it's been different. Every time I see them together, every time I see that genuine part of her, it's like I lose my vision and-"

Clink! Clink! Clink!

"Saeki-san," Miyako gasped in shock.

Sayaka lifted her head and moved a hand to her cheeks. Instead of feeling tears, she felt something far more solid and firm.

"Crystals," She whispered, peering at the colorless shards with confusion. She noticed more pieces on the counter and she moved to gather them. Panic started to fill her entire body and she quickly got up from her stool. "I have to go. Thank you for talking with me." She quickly placed a few yen by her cup then grabbed her stuff and quickly rushed out of the café before anyone could say anything.

What was happening to her? Was she really crying crystals? Sayaka scrubbed at her eyes frantically and didn't feel pain, only a numbing sensation in her eyes.

…

Harumi stretched her muscles, waiting in front of the school for Yuzu to arrive. Yuzu had sent a text message last night, informing Harumi to go ahead and walk to school without her in the morning.

Harumi had made it to school earlier than usual. Hardly any students were around and the morning's weather was still on the cooler side. Admittedly she had a hard time sleeping last night, feeling as someone or something was squishing her lungs together making it hard to breathe. She had told her sister, Mitsuko, about it but she simply brushed it off, saying that Harumi had probably slept wrong and should try keeping a proper posture.

The feeling was still lingering too but it was far more tolerable and taking a walk had helped suppress the suffocating feeling. Harumi was doing her best to not panic, worrying that she might be sick. Panicking would only worsen her state and she didn't need to end up in the hospital at the moment.

Shoes scuffing on the concrete made Harumi look up from her phone. She spotted a familiar face that she had seen many times before due to the girl's popularity.

Sayaka Saeki.

"Phones are prohibited on school grounds," The girl was wearing tinted glasses. She held an upright posture with a lifted chin which was common with student council members who held a high position. Harumi would know. Mei Aihara did the same thing.

Harumi gestured her hand, waving it across the street to where the front gates were. "I'm not on school grounds," Harumi informed with a smirk. "I wasn't aware you wore glasses, Saeki-san."

Sayaka flushed. "I always wore glasses, I just forgot my contacts this morning."

"School doesn't start for another twenty minutes," Harumi said with a raised eyebrow.

"I...I-," Sayaka fumbled for a moment then shook her head. "As a top student, it is expected of me to arrive earlier than normal."

"3rd place surely shouldn't have higher expectations than the others?" Harumi felt something pleasing as she watched Sayaka's normally calm expression form into one of annoyance. It was good to know that she was still able to tick off the most pristine of students. "I haven't seen Nanami-san or Aihara-san arrive yet."

Before Sayaka could reply, a voice interrupted her.

"Haaaarrruuuumiiiiii!" Yuzu came running towards the girls with her classic energetic spirit. Mei trailed behind her at a much slower pace.

"Hey Yuzu," Harumi greeted with an easy smile. Seeing Yuzu's bright expression was enough to make her heart flutter but she ignored it.

"You wouldn't guess wha-," Yuzu stopped and turned to Sayaka who was looking a little flustered at almost being caught losing her cool. "Saeki-san? What are you doing here?"

Sayaka took a deep breath and feigned her normal unbothered expression. Harumi just sent a smirk towards the light brown haired girl who in reply, sent a hard glare. "I was just reminding Taniguchi-san of the school policies as she seemed to have forgotten them."

Harumi was a little surprised that the girl actually knew her name but didn't say anything in her own defense as Mei finally reached the three of them.

"Sayaka, hello," Mei dipped her head politely. "It's surprising to see that Touko isn't here with you. Is she alright?"

"She said she had to run a quick errand for her family," Sayaka informed the student council president. "Is there anything you would like me to do in her place?"

Mei shook her head. "No, it's fine," She said. "She can do the task after school. It's her duties as the vice president, not yours."

Sayaka flinched for a moment but then nodded in acceptance. "I'll be going, if you don't mind."

Mei only wished her goodbye and the three of them watched the girl go. Yuzu called behind Sayaka as she left, "I really like your glasses!"

The girl only raised her hand in acknowledgment, not looking back.

"That was my first time ever talking to her," Harumi admitted, turning to Yuzu.

"Eh? Really? The way it looked, it was as if you two already knew each other," Yuzu commented, scratching the side of her head.

Harumi shrugged then added a wink for good measure. "I just have that sort of charm, I suppose."

"Anyone can lose their patience when it comes to you, Taniguchi-san," Mei huffed as the three of them started to walk onto the school grounds.

"Really? Even you, Aihara-san?"

"Anyone but me," Mei countered back cooly, earning a chuckle from Yuzu.

The sound of Yuzu laughing was enough to make Harumi feel like she was floating but the squeeze in her lungs also made her feel like she was suffocating. She could tell that Mei felt the same warm feeling Harumi felt because, despite her cool expression, there was a shine in her eyes that was only meant for Yuzu.

The back of Harumi's throat tickled and she moved her arm to cover her mouth as she coughed.

"Harumi, are you okay? Are you sick?" Yuzu immediately said in concern. Harumi loved that about her. Always so quick to be worried about her friends.

"No, it's fine, just an itch in my throat," Harumi reassured half-heartedly. Her fingers curled into a fist to clutch something and kept it hidden from the two girls. Yuzu took this easily, starting up a conversation as she usually did. As her best friend talked, Harumi put her hand behind her back and let go of what she was holding. Flower petals drifted off her palm and into the wind.

…

"Are those a new pair of glasses? They look really pretty on you," Touko complimented as she approached Sayaka after the bell for lunch rang.

Sayaka wanted to hate Touko for saying that. Instead of asking why Sayaka was wearing glasses, Touko told her how pretty they were. She felt warmth bloom in her cheeks and a heavy feeling settles in her chest. Sayaka knew that Touko was aware of her insecurities about her need for glasses. Not a lot of people wore them and preferred to wear contacts to keep up that perfect image a top student should have. It was stupid, maybe, but it was just something Sayaka held close to her heart.

"Thank you," Sayaka said, her tinted glasses hid the fact that she was avoiding eye contact. Not only that but they were hiding something that appeared this morning. Something Sayaka couldn't explain. "Would you like to go to our usual spot?"

Touko nodded and then lifted a finger. "Uh, Yuu and her friends will be joining us today. If you don't mind, that is."

"Oh?" Sayaka tried not to let the fact that Touko was on a first name basis with Yuu bother her. She had been aware of it for a while now but just hearing Touko say Yuu's name was like a punch in the gut. "I suppose that's fine."

"You suppose? Is there something wrong?" Touko furrowed her eyebrows in genuine worry and Sayaka wanted to slap herself for making Touko feel that way.

"No, it's fine," Sayaka said with a quick nod. "I don't mind. It would be nice to get to know Koito-san a little more." Sayaka had talked to Yuu a couple of times, all of course on school grounds, and their interactions, you could say, were a little intense.

"Great," Touko grinned.

When they gathered together, Touko settling easier in their spot than Sayaka, there was an ill feeling churning in her stomach. Every glance, every "accidental" hand touch, every word shared between Touko and Yuu was enough to tear Sayaka apart. She didn't realize how much pain she actually was in until now. How much hurt an unrequited crush could cause. She's always been content with just being by Touko's side. Because Touko had always turned down anyone who showed interest in her. Touko's always made the statement that she "couldn't fall in love", that she wasn't sure that she "could feel that way about anyone". Yet, here she was. Looking at someone, talking to someone, simply being with someone with all the warmth and adoration she could express without raising suspicions. Yuu's friends were oblivious. Obnoxiously so. But Sayaka noticed it all. And at that moment, she wished she couldn't see.

Clink! Followed closely by a soft and eery sound of a mournful flute.

Sayaka quickly jerked back, standing up in a panic as searing pain filled her eyes.

"Sayaka, are you okay?!" Touko's voice sounded so far away.

She took off her glasses to press her palms to her eyes but as she moved her hands closer, she felt something cold and sharp grace them.

Crystal fragments.

And instead of colorless, like the previous times, they were vibrant in color.

She lifted her head to try to look at the people she could sense in front of her. She couldn't see them but she could tell they could see her judging by the gasps that left their lips. Something was wrong. Terribly wrong.

Someone touched her arm and she jerked it back. "Sayaka, it's me!"

"Touko..?" Her voice sounded even farther and Sayaka's heart ached. More crystal shards fell from her cheeks. "Why can't I see you?"

"Saeki-san, your eyes…"

That was Yuu's voice.

Sayaka swerved in the direction of where she heard the girl. "What about them?!" She snapped, fear boiling in every fiber of her body. "What's happening?!"

"Sayaka, you need to calm down, we have to take you to the nurse," Touko tried to calm her friend but she wasn't paying attention.

Sayaka reached her fingertips to her eyes and tried to touch them as if touching them would fix it. Instead of blinking back in reflex, her fingers entered into her eye sockets and felt dreadfully cold. Retracing them, she could feel something sticking to them. Something that she could only assume was glitter.

Sayaka started to run.

She couldn't see anything at first, bumping into things like a misguided infant. But the farther she was away from the group when her mind was only filled with panic, her vision started to return. Extremely blurry at first but every step she took, she started to refocus.

Sayaka stumbled into the girl's restroom and gripped onto the sink. Looking up, she stared at herself in the mirror. This morning, when she woke up, there had been an odd dark spot at the corner of her eye. Now the area had grown, barely reaching her irises. Since it was bigger now, she could get a better look at it. It was a deep blue color and as she peered closer, she noticed the small glowing white dots in the sea of blue. That part of her eye almost looked like the night sky. She thought about how she put her fingers in her eye sockets and wondered how that was even possible. Her fingertips neared the night blue and she hesitantly tapped at it. In reflex, she blinked but the quick second she had touched the spot it had felt cold.

Sayaka swallowed, straightening her posture and running a hand through her hair. What was going on? She felt unbalanced. Felt as her whole world was turning upside down and she wasn't sure it was because of a stupid unrequited crush or not. She couldn't spend the rest of the day at school. Sayaka winced at the thought of her perfect attendance being ruined but she knew she was better off going home than enduring the rest of school with a worried Touko.

Touko.

Another shard fell from her eyes, followed by the sound of a melancholic flute.

…

The shift in the atmosphere at school after lunch couldn't help but make Harumi sickeningly curious. And she could tell Yuzu was feeling the same way as they walked through the hall together. The sea of murmurs was present around every corner, students talking in low voices about whatever had occurred.

"If you're wondering what happened, just ask," A familiar voice said from behind them. She yanked at their collars, pulling them backward and she wrapped her arms around both their necks. "It's actually pretty interesting."

"Matsuri!" Yuzu and Harumi said in unison, one far more energetic than the other.

"Hiiii~," Matsuri practically purred, letting the two go and waving a hand in greeting.

"So?" Harumi prompted.

"So, what?" The first year shot back quickly, earning an annoyed frown from the older girl.

Yuzu interjected, "Why is everyone acting so weird?"

The pink-haired girl blew air from her teeth and put her hands behind her head. "An incident happened with one of the student council members."

Yuzu's eyes grew wide and Harumi felt her heartache as she knew exactly who Yuzu was thinking of. Mei.

"Relax, it isn't your sweetheart," Matsuri said, noticing right away at Yuzu's interaction.

"I-..that's good," Yuzu flushed with a dorkish grin. The expression was enough to make Harumi's breath hitch. "Who was it then? Are they alright?"

"Sayaka Saeki," Matsuri replied casually, finding her fingernails far more interesting than what she was saying. "She's fine but she had to go home early."

Harumi perked her head at the mention of the girl's name. She's never missed a day of school before so if she had to leave early, it must be serious. Harumi wondered what happened as the girl didn't seem sick when she talked to her this morning.

Matsuri raised an eyebrow, her lips pressed tightly together as she took note of Harumi's expression. "I wasn't aware you were acquainted with Saeki-senpai, Harumi."

Before Harumi could reply, Yuzu beat her to it. "The two of them were talking this morning!"

"Oh?"

Harumi huffed. "She was scolding me. I've never talked to her before that."

"Yeah, Saeki-senpai is one of the top three students in this school, of course, she wouldn't notice a nobody like you unless you were breaking the rules," Matsuri smirked cheekily.

Harumi was prepared to rip the girl a new one but a tug on her arm stopped her from doing so.

"Harumi, we need to get to class before the bell rings," Yuzu reminded and sent a friendly smile towards Matsuri. "Want to meet up after school? We can go to one of the cafés around here."

"Sounds good," The first year nodded and waved a hand at the two upperclassmen. "I'll see you around guys~!"

As the two friends walked away, Harumi took a moment to realize that her arm was linked with Yuzu's. She couldn't help but relish the warmth of the girl's skin or how soft it was. Yuzu's permanent grin was enough to make her feel as if she was walking on air. As they neared class, Mei Aihara strode past them with a stack of folders clasped to her chest. Yuzu paused, unlinking her arms with Harumi. Harumi immediately felt the emptiness that followed.

"Mei! Do you need help?" The hallways were almost empty now but hearing Yuzu say her name so casually was enough to make the student council president's ears go pink.

"Aihara-san, you're going to be late, get to class," Mei said steadily, keeping her tone even and deprived of emotion.

Harumi wondered if Yuzu simply didn't hear the girl or chose to ignore her as she was already trying to pry some of the folders from her grasp. Yuzu's hand grazing against Mei's was simply the answer to getting the president to loosen her grip. Yuzu briefly squeezed it and the two walked off, completely forgetting that Harumi had witnessed the exchange. Mei was trying her best to be formal as she reprimanded Yuzu, though her heart truly wasn't into it as the girl just grinned on.

Harumi felt her chest tighten and she felt as if she had been forced underwater. It seemed as each day went by, it was easier for Harumi to slip Yuzu's mind. Was she losing her best friend? How long would it be before they officially started drifting? They were going to graduate soon and what then? Would she even get to see Yuzu after that? The thought of no longer having her in her life was like being drenched in cold water.

Harumi tried to force the feeling down. She was just….she was just exaggerating. It was a few seconds before Harumi realized she wasn't breathing. Her lungs ached for air as she tried to inhale but it felt as if something was blocking her windpipe.

She coughed.

Flower petals burst from her lips and floated downwards.

Harumi took a step back in mild surprise as this wasn't the first time it had happened today. Though, there were far more petals than the previous times. Harumi tried to take another breath but only coughed up more petals. It was a variety of flowers at first; Daisies, sunflowers, daffodils. But then it went down to one type. Roses.

She faltered backward, leaning on the wall as she gasped for breath. She tried calming herself, preventing panic from filling her body and making her lose control.

As Harumi tried to recover, the school bell rang as a signal for class to start. She groaned in dismay and placed her hand on her throat. She wasn't sure what was happening. It was as if she had eaten flowers the previous night and was now throwing them up. Harumi straightened herself up, trying her best to ignore the tight feeling in her chest. She slowly made her way into class and ignored the curious stares that followed as the teacher started to chastise her for being late. As she took her seat, she noticed Yuzu wasn't here. When the girl finally entered class, she earned an even harsher scolding than Harumi. After the teacher finished, the girl turned to the class and asked, "Did anyone bring a bouquet of flowers to school because I think they dropped it in the hall."

The class laughed, figuring the girl was joking. The teacher didn't take kindly to Yuzu's comment and guided her outside of the classroom. They quickly both returned though as the teacher finally realized the girl wasn't joking. The teacher reinstated the question in a more professional manner and told the class that if they were to make a mess, they had to clean it up.

The class all mumbled, saying they didn't do it and Harumi played along.

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: This idea has been in my head for a while. Star tear disease and Hanahaki disease have fascinated me for a while and I wanted to write about them so I decided, why not write both at the same time and make it a crossover fic. This fanfiction has a 2nd chapter in the works though I am not sure if I should make this a two-shot or three-shot. When it comes to canon for this story, I would say that everything that happened in Citrus is canon to the story. For Bloom into You, I would say it takes place when Yuu started developing feelings for Touko and before Sayaka confessed to Touko. This fanfiction definitely diverges from both canon though and just takes elements to implement to the story. So if you're not caught up with either manga, I think you would still be fine following along.
> 
> Until then, Zouboss


End file.
